Co-Parenting:
Below this message, you will also find a guide with excellent tips to help parents with Co-Parenting. Many parents do not realize that divorce decrees have provisions in the decree related to a Parenting Plan. This can usually be found on the 2nd or 3rd page of the document. It will read something like "The Court finds that the provisions in this decree relating to the rights and duties of the parties with the relation to the children, possession of and access to the children, child support, and optimizing the development of a close and continuing relationship between each party and the children constitute the parties agreed' parenting plan." Basically, the marriage dissolved, but the role as parents continues for the well-being of the children.
The Key to Putting Kids First:
A Guide to Successful Co-Parenting
1. Clean the slate: The first step to starting a successful co-parenting relationship is to Clean the Slate. It doesn’t mean internalizing bad feelings to maintain appearances but rather making a conscious decision to start anew.
2. Open and honest communication: Good communication will help manage and balance the child’s two homes, develop trust, and allow you to comfortably talk about school, health, and other important topics to maintain a mutual understanding of the children’s current and future needs.
3. Partner with your Co-Parent: Both parents play a vital role in their child’s life. It’s not a competition; it’s a collaboration. It doesn’t matter who tries harder, sacrifices more, or gets credit; what matters is that your children are in an environment where they can thrive.
4. Agree to balanced duties with healthy boundaries: Shared Parenting doesn’t always mean parenting time, expenses, and decision making is split exactly 50/50; rather, both parents are substantially involved in their children’s lives. Though it is important to remember that children inherently want their parents together, establishing boundaries will help them understand how the relationship has changed, help to set expectations and reduce unnecessary stress.
5. Respect your children and everyone they love: In some ways, the definition of respect may be universal. However, we are all different people who have different ideas of what it means to us. Being consistent in your teachings and expectations will help to alleviate confusion for your children.
6. Encourage your child’s family relationships: With separation and particularly two separate homes, parents need to make a more conscious effort to encourage their child’s relationship with their other parent and family members. Children need to know they are loved unconditionally, and they are allowed to love without restrictions or guilt.
7. Never involve children in adult matters: Children should not be put in the middle of adult issues. They should not serve as an outlet to voice your stress or frustration with your co-parent. They should not serve as your messenger to the other parent. They shouldn’t be bribed or coerced into taking sides for any reason. And you should never talk negatively about your co-parent in their presence, even if you think they aren’t listening. They are watching your every move, gesture, subtle facial expression, and eye roll.
8. Talk through issues and initiate peaceful resolution: Communicating & talking through issues as they arise will help reduce conflict, build your trust in each other and help to establish mutual understanding. There may be times when you need to walk away to gather your thoughts, but do not let unresolved issues build up over time. Co-parenting requires a lot of give and take, so choose your battles wisely and always strive for compromise.